


My Emotions Feel Like Explosions When You Are Around

by shuyujii



Series: KilluGon in different universes [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Don’t read if you haven’t finished hunter x hunter, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gon is dumb, Killua is best brother, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuyujii/pseuds/shuyujii
Summary: Killua gets a phone call from Leorio, and his biggest nightmare comes true.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Series: KilluGon in different universes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979113
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	My Emotions Feel Like Explosions When You Are Around

**Author's Note:**

> Ah shit here we go again. FYI don’t read if you haven’t finished hunter x hunter ( the anime ) or you can just read and get spoiled ;)
> 
> Go check out my [beta-reader/editor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ankatan) !!!

* * *

_May 18, XXXX- The Day the News is Brought_

Killua has been living peacefully, compared to when he still lived with the Zoldycks, for the past 3 years. He doesn’t flinch every time someone touches him, but some old habits don’t fade. He walks quietly down the hallway towards Alluka’s bedroom.

“Alluka” He starts, than inhales “WAKE UP” 

Alluka only turns to him, still half asleep “What brother? Is it time to wake up?” 

She sits up and rubs her eyes.

“Good morning” she yawns.

“Good morning sleeping beauty. When are you gonna start waking up by yourself?” Killua leans against the door frame.

“I’ll start waking up by myself when you shut up.” 

Killua laughs and walks out of her room. “You better get ready soon or I’ll make breakfast without you.”

Killua gets closer to his room. The room itself is pretty empty, but it's filled to the brim with memories. [Dozens of] Pictures stuck to the walls. 

His favorite though, is the one with Gon, taken when they were 14. 

They had just met up after a year of not seeing each other in person. Gon had gotten stronger. Killua couldn’t exactly explain it, all he could say is “You could feel it.” 

He had gotten his nen back and became somehow more muscular. Killua wondered what he looked like nowadays, after all, it has been 3 years of no contact. 

Maybe he has become more cute and maybe he has gotten more of those freckles that Killua loved so much. Killua stopped his mind from thinking anymore, and a red color rose to his cheeks. 

“You're thinking about Gon again, aren't you?” his beloved sister asked. 

Killua snapped his head around but the answer was evident on his face. _Yes always._

“Maybe we should go visit or at least call,” Alluka suggested, “I doubt all your friends changed their numbers. Especially not Gon. He doesn't know anything about technology.”

“I said I would be downstairs making breakfast,” Killua grumbled.

“You weren't downstairs making breakfast,” Alluka did air quotes. “So I went looking for you”

“Shut up,” Killua said with cheeks still red. “I was busy.” 

“Yeah, busy day dreaming about Gon. Next time you see him, you should confess your undying love for him,” Alluka teased.

Somehow, Killua’s cheeks flushed an even brighter red. 

It was definitely a mistake telling his annoying sister about his love problems. 

It was easy to hide from Gon, but Alluka? She would find out eventually and pester him to no end if he didn't spill everything. Killua definitely didn't want to face the wrath of his sister bugging him. Turns out his sister already knew about his growing crush since they separated at the World Tree. 

His crush was small at first. Killua thought it was just him being thankful to Gon. He thought it would fade, but that was far from the truth. His small crush kept growing even after all these years. Gon, his best friend, was now the love of his life. 

When he finally came to terms with that fact, he freaked out. He didn't want to lose Gon to some silly dumb crush of his. Gon was too precious to him, he never wanted to lose him. 

Killua was saved from his sad life by Gon. Gon was the one to show him the light… 

Gon is his light. 

His light that he never wants to fade out. 

“Brotherrrr, brotherrrr, BROTHER ARE YOU DEAD??” Alluka shrieks in his ear.

“ALLUKA OH MY GO—” 

“Save it for when you confess your love to Gon,” she says smugly and walks out heading for the kitchen. 

Killua sighs, maybe when he did see Gon, he’d confess his feelings. He could only pray that Gon would feel the same, but he doesn’t want to call any of his friends. He’s scared that they have changed, or have changed their mind about Killua. He wants to hug Gon and say how much he misses him, but first he needs to contact him. Fortunately he won’t have to contact Gon, because he’ll be getting a phone call very soon...

* * *

_May 19 XXXX- The Day He Knows_

Killua frequently wonders about his friends. He wonders what they're doing. He wonders if Kurapika will ever come to dinner with his friends. Or if Leorio has made a fortune from becoming a doctor. Most of all he wonders if Gon thinks of him as much as Killua does. Killua wants to think he does. At night, he looks at the stars, and wonders if Gon is wishing on the same ones.

The next time he sees Gon, he swears that he’ll tell Gon everything that has happened in the past 3 years. Next time he’ll race Gon. Next time he’ll tell him everything, especially the feelings that have built up over the years. Next time he hopes Gon will give him the kiss he's been waiting for. Waiting for 5 years. 

“We’ll definitely go on adventures like in the past,” Killua mutters, still lost in thought 

He won't let Gon get hurt. He won't hurt Gon. He will never let Gon put him through the same pain like the night Gon fought Pitou. He never wants to see Gon like that, _lifeless_. 

But first he’ll contact Gon or maybe Leorio. Maybe he’ll set up a surprise reunion. Gon would like that. He’d smile his bright smile and give Killua a hug. Killua smiles as his mind races with ideas.

His phone lights up, Leorio's name flashing on the screen. Killua's eyes widen. Is this the chance he’s been waiting for? He picks up the phone. 

“Killua,” Leorio says but his voice is missing that happy tone. He sounds serious. Something is clearly off, but what? 

“Don’t freak out. That won't help anyone.” 

“Leorio? What’s going on?” Killua feels his heart quicken and he’s unconsciously holding in his breath. 

“Please Killua,” Leorio pleads in a tone he’s heard before. “Stay calm.” 

“Leorio?! What happened??” 

“It's about Gon” 

Killua swears his heart skipped a beat. He was thinking one thing at that very moment 

_Gon, please be ok._

“I'm just gonna say it.” Leorio inhales sharply. “Gon is dying.” 

Killua can't breath. He hadn't even noticed that his hands had found their way to his shirt, clenching it tightly. He’s frozen. He wants to speak, to move, but he can’t. 

“W-what?” He manages to choke out.

“He’s dying, Killua” Leorio says his name in a way he never wants to hear again. “He did it again… Ging was about to get hit but Gon, that fucking idiot, shoved him out the way. The blow landed directly on his stomach… I don’t think he’ll be ok.” 

Tears are streaming down Killua’s face. It’s happening again. Gon could be leaving, and he wouldn't come back. Gon would be leaving Killua behind again. This time he didn’t have a way to help. 

* * *

_May 29 XXXX- Goodbye_

Killua doesn’t know what to say as he steps on the podium to say his “Speech.”

 _Some speech_ He thinks. After all his brain ran dry trying to figure out what to say.

He can’t stop choking at every sentence, how could he not? Just a week ago he was dreaming about meeting Gon again and, finally, telling him just how he feels. Now? He can’t do it. Now? He’s standing over a grave. The grave of Gon Freecss. Now? He’s overcome with the grief of losing your one and only love of your life.

“In his final moments,” Killua says as he finishes “He smiled.” 

The tears can’t stop. He can’t stop himself from sobbing at the sight of Gon's dead body. Maybe if he tries his best he can wake up from this nightmare, this horrible nightmare. 

Gon is forever gone and Killua is now a candle without a flame. 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I hate this fic with a passion but i’m going to post it. Come scream at me on my twitter @shuyujii! Hope you enjoyed and kudos are appreciated! ♡ ♡ ♡
> 
> Shoutout to my [beta-reader/editor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ankatan)


End file.
